Dame Nan

Dame Nan, formerly of the Abbey of St. Columba, comes to the log having made the decision to forego taking her final vows as a nun. The natural daughter of a member of the royal family, Dame Nan was given into the care of the nuns at St. Columba to be educated as an abbatial legate. While at the abbey and whilst attached to the household of the Abbot, she studied Latin, Greek, and French languages, the English, Welsh, Scots, Irish and Salish legal systems, as well as the domestic sciences of spinning, dyeing, weaving, sewing and embroidery. On a pilgrimage to Rome in the entourage of the Abbot and the Archbishop of York, she realized that the Rule of Columba was never going to be honored by the church, and made her decision to return to England with a group of jongleurs who were travelling back to England. Once back on England's shores, she found work in the homes of the nobility copying books and charters, however, this was too confining, and so left to find her way to the faire, and found her new calling as a servant of the log.

Lord Nose

Pierre deNose is down on his luck. He was raised in a wealthy family, headed by his Father, Count deNose. Pierre’s brothers are Picque deNose, B’leau deNose, and his African half brother from Algiers Bring in de nose, bring in de funk. Not needing to work, young Pierre avoided his teacher and wasted his time learning puns and cliches.

After his father died, however, Pierre inherited Chateau deNose, which had been in de family for over 500 years. De Chateau was very expensive to maintain so Pierre was forced to rent rooms to commoners, a terrible disgrace. Making matters worse was a paradigm shift in de castle business which caused major deNose bleeding of red ink. Pierre tried to focus by
downsizing, by using just in time inventory, and by using his mission statement to empower his employees to meet customer needs, but it was too little and too late. Chateau DeNose went down de tubes, Pierre went to England, and ended up working for peanuts at de Log as Directeur de Rhinologie. Lord knows it’s been a tough life for him!

To help the English remember his name, he wears a ceramic nose around his neck (he picked it himself!), which he uses to rub noses with pretty ladies. But be careful, you never know where that nose has been! De only other assets Lord Nose now has are his tights and his green eyes.  (Lord Nose was a festival nominee for the best entertainer in 1995)

the Widow Kathleen D' Or

Recently widowed due to an unfortunate "accident" that claimed her husbands'life.  How fortunate for King of the Log that his untimely demise occurred AFTER he finished honing the logs on which you do battle (the logs so lovingly cut by Hawkins et al.)  However after a 24 hour mourning period the widow is back to referree matches. The widow considers herself an expert referee since her 3 adolescent children afford her many opportunities to practice in her humble abode.  Look for the widow when visiting King of the Log.  She is easily identified by her bright red hair.

Hawkins

David Hawkins, known to his friends as "Hawkins" is the son of George Hawkins a wealthy landowner from the north. George made his fortune by being the supplier of logs and wood to the King. Since George's death in a logging accident, Hawkins has lost a good part of said fortune in any number of mis-adventures, most of them involving the fairer sex. Though not wealthy anymore, Hawkins still tries to live in the style to which he had become accustomed.

First he married the lovely, yet flighty, Lady Claudia who was much too young for him and eventually ran off with a Frenchman named Louis.  Hawkins and Claudia had a charming daughter named Beatrice Marie who was left with Hawkins when Claudia ran off.  As Beatrice grew older the King, who had been a good friend of George's, gave her a place in the Court introducing her into a more genteel society than she would encounter living with Hawkins.  Although Hawkins misses Beatrice, he sees her often enough and is well satisfied with the arrangement.

When time allows, Hawkins travels around to festivals to stay in touch with the log trade.  He also likes to be able to see Beatrice when the Court should happen to be at a festival he is attending, as is often the case. Mainly Hawkins attends festivals because that is where the loveliest of all the ladies are to be found.

Hawkins and Beatrice

Fitz  

Fitz came to the log site after being shunned by several other clans. He arrived here homeless, starving, thirsty, and in great need of a bath. Almost immediately after his arrival, Hawkins took the young lad under his tutorage in order to make him a proper gentleman, and to pass along the art of swooning. Despite Hawkins lessons and attempt at refinement of this man, genetics has taken over and Fitz is still vulgar, condesceding, insulting, and sometimes just blatantly rude. Only time will tell if the efforts of Hawkins will turn Fitz around.  (Fitz was nominated in 1997 and  won the Festival award for best entertainment in 1998.  Huzzah!)

Lord Donald

Scrupe

Although most details of the history of the Scrupe family have been lost over the years because of fire, flood and pestilence, which is not necessarily a bad thing, popular lore handed down from mother to daughter tells us that the Scrupe families past is far from noble. Folk lore actually attributes coining of the phrases UNSCRUPULOUS or to be without SCRUPLES to the many nasty deeds of the members of this family.

However, should you happen across Scrupe at the realm, take pity upon him for as an infant his parents left him in a hollow tree stump just before they boarded a ship to what is now called "the new world". Therefore he believed himself to be an orphan throughout all his childhood and early adulthood. Some elder log peasants still talk of Scrupes' great moment of revelation many years ago when his "orphan years" all suddenly ended in the span of a heartbeat. It happened during a particularly difficult battle upon the center log with a commoner whom we are all quite certain had more testosterone than brains. Scrupe endured a sudden and unexpected blow befitting a King to his gene pool that surely would have killed a lesser man instantly. As he lay in the straw watching his life pass before his minds eye and thinking "this is all there is", he momentarily saw a glimpse of the faces of his beloved parents (as they were cramming him into the tree stump).

Well, realizing he was not an orphan after all renewed Scrupes' will to live. However, because of the manner in which he came to this realization, he decided to dedicate his life to the King of the Log. So for many, many, many years Scrupe has been helping others throughout the realm find the meaning of their miserable lives through this somewhat unusual, but effective (and very reasonably priced) therapy.

Although now retired, when he was much younger Scrupe actively participated in log combat himself. Over the years of impressive play he had won many battles, although he had devised every possible manner of cheating his opponents in doing so.

Scrupe eventually was bestowed the position of referee for the Kings Daily Tournament by the humble log peasants. The log peasants reasoned that no other person among them could better judge the fairness of play in a championship tournament fit only for Kings and Queens, than he who was the master at cheating. To this day, at five of the clock in the afternoon as
the sun's shadows grow longer as it heads closer to the western sky, you can still watch the best of the best test their abilities against each other at the Kings Daily Tournament under his watchful command.

(Scrupe won the Festival award for the best use of an anacronism in 1998.   On some of the excessively hot days he used a garden hose to creatively relieve the patrons of the burden of the weather.  Huzzah!)

Carol of the Thread and Needle

Mistress Carol believes her first husband is lost at sea. An Englishman, he sailed with the Portugese explorer Fernao Mendes Pinto to the island kingdom of Nipon. She has been supporting herself by stitching and selling the fine silks he brought her, but unfortunately the supply is running low.  To supplement her income and occupy her time while she waits for her sailor lover, Mistress Carol has joined with the King of the Log group. Here she cares for the clothing of the workers and indulges her love of handsome, dangerous men. Lo, this fourteen years she has waited and toiled at the Log, but any day now she will leave with untold riches from the Indies to a new life of comfort and luxury.

Lady Burgundy and Lord MacLaine

The Fair Ophelia

After a failed love affair the fair Ophelia was found floating face down by a crew of loggers making their way downstream to bring really big wood to the local festival.  Following mouth to mouth resucitation by many of loggers in the group, the fair Ophelia decided to dedicate the remainder of her days to men with big wood and has seen flinging herself into small ponds at Festivals everywhere - maybe even near you!

  Log Chorale

This is a group that many of the regular cast at King of the Log no longer miss - at least not their song.

Sir Riel

Sir Riel (pronounced Reel) began his life in Sarlat, France, known for fat geese and large walnuts. Overcome with wander and other forms of lust, he set out to seek adventure in the world as a traveling bard and poet. (Or, as the relieved citizens of Sarlat tell the story, even his friends, families, and intimates, not to mention complete strangers, could no longer tolerate his stories of odd dreams and those annoying poems, so one night they changed the password to all the gates in the walled city when he was out gallivanting in the countryside.) He traveled far and wide, throughout Europe, to the Holy Lands, to Brittany and Scotland (where he enjoyed the freedom of their kilts, which he often wears to this day), the New World and lord knows (but Lord Nose does not know) where else. (He claims no relationship to or knowledge of Scrupe’s parents or parentage, despite the coincidence of travel to the New World.)

One day many years ago, while upon some nefarious deed long forgotten, Sir Riel came across Baron d’Bondage, Scrupe, Daniel of Gaul, and Hawkins leading a band of merry women and men through the odd ritual of bludgeoning upon logs. He recalls all too well those early days with the Fair Ophelia, Carol of the Thread and Needle, Dame Nan, Lord Nose, The Widow Kathleen d’Or, Lord Donald, Mistress Charlena Bernadette and so many more. This tribe of wanderers, misfits, and criminals had recently taken over or over taken (Sir Riel was never sure which) the area known as King of the Log from Eli the Elder and his tribe. And while Sir Riel hardly likes to tell the tale, his life has never been quite the same since joining up with them. Sir Riel is believed to have coined the phrase “what a long, strange trip it’s been” in the early 1490s, not long after meeting up with this band of ne’er do wells.

Sir Riel made a modest living and earned many lumps in his travels (he says battling knights errant, some say running knight’s errands), but he quickly realized that he could make an even more modest living by encouraging other fool hardy, er, full hearty men and women of the realm to do their battling upon the logs. Thus began a long and lack luster (but not lust lacking) life of sloth, sacks, and violence among the logs. Still, his mind continues to wander quite often, and he plies his bard and poet trades—but most of the miscreant band finds his work too dream-like and mystical and wish he would just go to his final sleep, perchance to dream, or at least get back to work.